The Logistics Manifesto

Shipping & Fulfillment:

1

Listen, we aren't Amazon. We don’t have a fleet of drones or a warehouse full of robots. Most of what you see here is Print-on-Demand. That means your gear doesn't even exist until you have the audacity to buy it. Once you hit that button, a series of digital handshakes happens, and your item is birthed in a professional facility.

  • Standard Gear

    • 5-10 Business Days

  • Limited Drops

    • Made in our shop, smells like fresh mountain air and maybe wet from Trent’s tears of pure joy.

    • 5 - 7 Business Days

  • Trent’s Undies

    • Custom request, God help you. Ships in biohazard bag. Trent doesn’t read technical pages like this, so we will see how long it takes him to notice.

Note: Custom orders and specialty releases ship directly from 7,000 feet. If there’s a blizzard, the mail truck might be late. Deal with it.

Returns & Exchanges: No Regrets allowed

2

We make Deviant Designs. We don't make "safe" choices, and neither should you. Because most of our items are custom-printed just for you, we have a very specific set of rules to keep the Matriarch (Sheila) from losing her mind.

  • Buyer’s Remorse: If you woke up and realized you aren't cool enough to pull off our designs, that's a "you" problem. We do not offer returns for change of heart. Choose wisely.

  • Defective Items: If the robots messed up and sent you a shirt with three sleeves or a hole in it, we’ll fix it. Send us a photo of the disaster and we’ll get a replacement into the pipeline.

  • Size Issues: Check the damn Size Guide in the pictures of the product. We don't swap items because you overestimated your gym progress.

size guide: measure twice, cry never

3

Don't guess. Our gear fits true to the specs, but every garment is different. We use Printful for our standard fulfillment, and their size charts are the gold standard. If you ignore this and your hoodie fits like a crop top, don't come crying to the Architect (Jonathan).

Check the specific size chart (last image of your product) on every product page before you commit. When in doubt, size up. It’s better to look oversized and mysterious than like you’re wearing your younger brother’s clothes.

Order Tracking: Where is my stuff?

4

We know the anticipation is killing you. As soon as your order leaves the facility, you’ll get a tracking number sent to your Digital Hotline (email). Don't blow up our contact form asking for updates if it’s been less than 48 hours. The robots are working as fast as their circuits allow.

You can check your status anytime via the link in our footer. If the tracking says "Delivered" and it’s not there, go talk to your neighbors. We’re artists, not private investigators.

Approved by the Matriarch. Executed by the Architect. Inspired by the Overlord.